Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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