:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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