I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
