Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
