Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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