Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
