Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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