He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
