It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
