69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
