I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
