moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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