I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think my moral compass just broke
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
