6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
