Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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