just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
