So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
