i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
