Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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