I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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