Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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