how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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