Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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