I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
