I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
