playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
