Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
