Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
