I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
