omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
