If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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