How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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