he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
