my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
