I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
