She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
