when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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