Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
