I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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