it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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