What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
