nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
