the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
