FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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