you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
