Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
