I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
