I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
