I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
