he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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