Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
