I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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