Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
